Complications in the road to happiness

Our Father and Mother who arth in Heaven and in Hell, who abide in the universe and the astral planes, give us this day the cosmic forces to amend our sins, and correct our path.

New Beginnings

With New beginnings come new realizations, new awakenings. I have been asleep and now I wake,, the slumber, the dream was just a moment in my life, it seems as if it never happened. Insanity? Maybe? but this love this feeling it is more than unexplainable to me, how can I explain to anyone else? It has unfolded and at last i have found my soulmate. His smile melts my soul, and creates the most beautiful music within my being.

I have only to look into those eyes and get lost, feel the caress of his hand upon my cheek and feel reassured. It is cosmic, and destined. I do not fear to close my eyes to sleep, because I know that i will wake ( most the times I hope so) and so I fell into the abyss. Lost it all, decided that the old life was no longer worth living, material items be dammed. Then as I feel into the chasm of the abyss, your arms captured me before I fell, your wings wrapped me with their splendor, and the music of a thousand angels hum, I know that it was meant to be. Maktub ( destiny) it is what is most interesting to me, the fact that just when as Dante, abandon hope all ye who enter here.. was how I felt in regards to men, life , romance. However there is nothing like a refreshing realization that when it was meant, you were there. I love you Jorge L. R.

Death of a Star

I hardly ever write on this not because i don't care for blogging, but because I am more involved in Facebook and Twitter. However, when things go down in my life and I am faced with the sudden and very real situation in which I am in it again. What is it? drama. I detest it, and somehow it has a way of finding me. I avoid you dear Drama at all cost, not because you are not exciting, but excitingly and excruciatingly boring. End of days, time feels like a pool of stank water in which dreams have been fecated on ( is that a word, and if it is not is should be like shitted on) Done, dissolved.... reality is here and stark in the face. Hmmm what to do with this revelation. Cryptic, I know its meant to be, I just have to capture the feeling, the sense of betrayal, hurt, distrust. It is over... in more ways than one.. but in the end, I am glad I was not taken into it.. that feeling of euphoria, it is now deadened,.. or rather honed to BS. Right, remember the feeling, not the base for something worthwile...

Sunday March 21 - The Tooth Fairy

Today was one of those days that i reflect on family and values. It was fun to hang with my son who lost his 3-4 tooth. It was the lateral incisor:

So of course when he lost his first tooth, I ended up paying $10 for the first tooth, so of course when you set precedent, thats it, you have to pay each time. wow.. thats $300 roughly! So this morning I forgot all about it.. which means I had to run out and go get the $$ then as he slept I went over and exchanged tooth for $. What a great thing to see him reach in the pillow and find his money. He had a huge grin! The other day he did say to me.. mom can you be live Austria said Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy don't exist, mind you he is 7... I said, that's because they have grown up, they probably don't get as much $ as you cause you believe hahaha .. aww he is so sweet.

Later in the day went for a drive with my bro over near the airport, he really wants to be a pilot and I hope for his sake he will do it. So then I came home to watch Operation Repo :D Now time to go to bed before the witching hour... nite nite all

Eminent Freedom

It is the forecoming freedom I long so much, the agony of love is many faceted. I find that the best way to break from the clutter of my mind is to write it to express in words feelings that can not be felt by another as it is for me, deep meaningful, painful, and lonely. I look forward to freedom, I taste it, it has been a long time coming. How could you not know what i meant when i said all along, love me, but that was never the case. BEtter alone than with someone that does nothing for you. It hurts, agony, pain, but it is real and it is life, and every decision a reaction..it is important to keep living and breathing and knowing your path will shine....

Karma, sera o no sera... Mejor que si .. que que no

La cosa es aprender a nadir rápido y con fervor. Ser capaz de tener la viscosidad para trascender y pasar los malos momentos así mismo. Me da pavor estar sola y dejarlo todo. Se que e sido una hipócrita y fuerte. Pero las cosas a mi manera. Tengo mi lado angélico, y es el que creo me mantiene protegida ante tanta posibilidad de perderme. Me encuentro una y otra vez dando gracias a un ángel que me protege!
Dentro de ello hay cosas en la vida que dice mi súper amigo Alistair: don’t kill my demons you might kill my angels too! Las cosas de aprender es aprender para no volver a caer. Es gracioso en cierta forma esta cosa llamada Karma. La amo porque la entiendo a su grado más sencillo, todo tendrá consecuencia.. y como tal la física dice.. por cada acción una reacción. Vaya vida de drama, nunca para porque es entonces como lo tomas y como deseas sentirte tu! Bajo y ante todo.. la vida... la libertad .. es lo mas importante.. Cuando se pierde.. Pues se tiene que volver a vivir; pero con conciencia. Ese es mi pensamiento del dia.

Love and its finer points

Love will be a frequent blog subject, it is that which drives each of us each day. This love. A love of someone, a goal, love of a possesion. Which altogether are diferent kinds of loves. The kind of love I believe in is the kind of love that most people I think in some way or fashion want. A Chivalrous love, a love of equality, a love of knowing that the person you are with is the person that feels and sees life in the same manner. Having lived 33 years, I must surely know a thing or two about loving.


Elementary school, my first Kiss. Nelson, I don't remember his last name, but it was in Chicago, and it was at Water School, to which I attended during 1-5 grade. I detested it, but that is a blog for a later date. I remember liking Nelson, I can somewhat picture him, dark chocolate brown hair, popular. He liked me and I liked him, that was how easy it was to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I also remember thinking wow.. how do people kiss without the nose getting in the way. So much was my frustration about the first kiss that I watched commercials very intensively attempting to find out how it was that people kissed without bumping. In fact so much was my interest that I remember the first comercial well as th two who were going to kiss covered their face with beach umbrellas.